Why now?

To Whom it May Concern,

What the fuck? Seriously? That is so uncalled for! Why is everything so okay for you? Do you really expect me to see you in the store and be excited and greet you with a hug? No. I will not because I am not excited to see you. I'm terrified of seeing you because you altered my life so drastically I don't even know if I'm still standing on my own two feet. It's bullshit!

I cannot pretend that everything is okay, because it's not okay with me. I still hurt. I still think about it. I still hate thinking I did everything wrong.

This is not my fault, maybe I'm irrational, maybe I'm a bit of a bitch, but this was not my doing. I don't deserve this feeling of rejection, or self doubt. It angers me that you would do what you've done.

I contacted you for a simple reason, and I was trying not to make a big deal out of it. Your response was vile in every way. From the "By the way Dennis Hopper is terminally ill" to the "Your new photos look great". Fuck you! I tell you month after month for over a year that I'd appreciate a compliment now and again and I get nothing. Now after destroying most of the self confidence I had left you decide to dish them out like they're candy? Thanks for nothing! That's bullshit and it hurts. What's so different about me now that you feel it's okay to start saying nice things?

I would have appreciated hearing those things when we were together. You know you never would have said them if we were though. I know you wouldn't have. I would have put those exact same pictures up and you would have never said a word. So why now? Why do you suddenly feel I should know that those pictures are great?

I am pissed, hurt, confused, and dressed up like a lumberjack. Tonight is going to be very interesting.

Sincerely,

Me