Were it not that I have bad dreams.

"I could be bounded in a nutshell and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams." -Hamlet.

Amen.

So, today Nancy took me to eat (well drink peach tea) at Olive Garden and we talked. I've learned some things, I cried a bit, our waiter gave us extra after dinner candies. I found out the cause of all my angst (shall we say) thinks I've possibly been doing things to make him jealous. Just to say it, the only thing I've done that could make him jealous had nothing to do with him. It had to do with me. It was help when I needed it. Not because I wanted to make him jealous. It angers me slightly. It sullies something I do not think should be sullied. Grrrr.

All in all I am getting better about this. I want a transition, something to make it easier but either way I'm going to have to go through it, with or without a comfort blanket. Riley was my comfort blanket for too long, Nancy will be my comfort blanket tonight as Dazzle was on other nights. I require quite a bit of comfort it would seem.

On another note, I embarrassed myself today. I very much so dislike asking people for things for two reasons:

1. It inconveniences them and I feel my problems shouldn't have to be the problems of others.

2. I have a latent fear of rejection. Whether it was from being overweight while growing up, or being flat out rejected by my own boyfriend. I don't really know why. I do know that it's there even though it's an insecurity I try to hide.

Now life will go on. So it goes. I love saying that. I feel better saying that. To clarify I shouldn't say I embarrassed myself. I more took a chance. I learned rejection doesn't hurt that bad, and it generally could be a lot worse.