So I don't know about you, but I hurt. I hurt because the man I was banking on bailed. I hurt because I'm losing one of my only life lines that I really shouldn't be attached to anyway. I hurt because I live with a constant reminder of what I had.
I hurt because I got a call last night consisting of this:
Point 1: Knowing I was off living my life and making a decision that would not involve him that would effect me the rest of my life, made him miss me. Not like "I can't live without you" miss, but like "I'm kind of sad because I didn't get to be there" miss.
Point 2: He doesn't regret leaving. He knows it was right but he wanted me to know point one.
Point 3: The floor that he's been sleeping on hurts. To which I replied, "I offered my bed to you every night for that first week you were gone and you didn't take it. I sure as hell am not offering it to you now." He wasn't asking me to.
Point 4: He hasn't moved on physically yet. To which I say extremely sarcastically "Yippie", like I want to know when you do?
Point 5: How are things going with ... They aren't, just as I told you they wouldn't. I know myself, I know my limits and that is beyond them.
Point 6: He thinks I "deserve better" anyway. Fuck that. I deserve whatever I want and I fucking wanted him. However, he didn't want me.
There's the rub. I can't help but run in circles around the one thought that won't leave my mind. No one wants me. I know it's emo, but I keep coming back to it.
I am finally seeing, why I was the one worth leaving... twice... kind of even three times.
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